Serch Who? - MC Serch MySpace Blog

Greetings:

As always I hope this finds you in good health and spirits. I hope that this last quarter of the year has been good to you.

For those who are interested I have been in LA, shooting season two of my show for VH1. Although I have told you guys the name of the show before, I have been told by the powers that be, that I need to chill on that until VH1 sends out their press release. So let me tell you that Ego Trips new show about female rappers is going to be BANANAS!!! The femcees were all great people and it will be a great show to enjoy and talk about at the job, on-line, or where ever you may be that you need to have a conversation. Like "That's' nice but did you see…" you get the point.

I am still waiting to hear about some other ventures with some other opportunities and it is trying my nerves, but as my wife Chantel says, I have to live by my words, and let go and let G-D. The Lord knows my path and I will follow regardless of where it leads me.

I also will be doing a development deal with BET to Executive Produce a pilot early next year. So keeps your eyes peeled because you guys might want to be involved in that, either as contestants or as audience. My partner Nicole Duncan Smith and I have really come across a great idea and I will share more when the time is right, but it is something you will all want to watch in the future and it is an idea under all of our collective noses. Sorry to keep you dangling but that is all I can talk about.

Now for the reason I decided to come out of hiding and write this blog. In the last month after shooting the show, being back in the D, and being away from working, I have had to really look at myself. I did not like who I was becoming and I felt like I was living a double life. My wife and kids were starting to think that I no longer wanted to be a part of the family and was acting like I was single. I would come and go when I pleased and would not spend any time at home or with my wife or my children. I was becoming a stranger. At my wife's request and the request of those close to me I decided to see a therapist. This lead me to seeing two other therapists and me realizing that I need a lot of counseling. I was beginning to feel like a fraud. I was not thinking about writing any more, but then I got a letter from a guy named Zack. He told me that he had missed my writing and that my blogs had made him focus on being a better father, man, brother, friend, lover, and person. He told me to write something about the end of the year. It got my juices flowing so shout out to Zack.

Many of us like to write resolutions at the end of the year. We jot down our goals, and at this point in our lives, know that we will probably miss the mark on what our resolves are as early as the end of January. See, Some of us really work on our resolutions and make it so that they become our mantra, but most of us have the rush of the new year hit us as we bask in the refreshing feeling of new possibilities, only to be thrown into our realities soon after. I thought that maybe this year we all could do something a little different. Instead of focusing on what we need to change or accomplish in the New Year, how about we look at who we are and who we were this past year. What we have done this past year as people. Things that we have become as human beings this past 365. Who we have developed into. I thought that this would give me, and you some insight as to why you did the things you did in 07, and that would help you change what you do in 08, time to set it straight, cause their ain't no help stepping, word. (Shout out to Big Daddy Kane). I was told by someone I hold dear that who we were can change who we become. I thought this made a lot of sense.

Since it is only right to lead by example, I will thus lead and tell you who I have been this past year. The rules to this are simple, be honest and don't lie. Even if you don't want to read what you wrote, don't lie. If you can lie to yourself then you cannot grow. Maybe this will help some of you get started. I hope that you will do me the honor of letting me know who you guys were as well by posting your comments, so you can tell me who you are, but if not it is all good since this is a little personal. Just letting you know that I am willing to read if you are willing to write. So here goes…..

This past year I have been….

A husband to a wonderful woman, who has been my best friend even when I have been less then the best husband.

A father to three great kids who make me smile and drive me nuts, sometimes at the same time.

A friend to some wonderful people and to some who do not deserve my time or energy.

A lover who gives to his partner as much as he receives.

A liar who has told stories to make myself seem bigger then I am, or who did not want to get in trouble so he came up with some story only to get busted anyway.

A thief who has taken time from my family for frivolous things and who has stolen precious moments from my loved ones and myself.

A story teller who keeps people interested, sometime for his own pleasure.

A celebrity who welcomes the reception of those that recognize him and is grateful, but sometimes feel he has no privacy.

A therapist who gives counsel to those who have asked and even when it is not asked.

A mediator who lends an unbiased ear to parties who are look for resolve to their issues and situations.

A spectator who watches the world and thanks G-d for every moment I get to open my eyes and view the beauty of this place we call home.

A sports lover who roots for the Mets, Jets, Knicks, even when they let me down (And no one talk about the Mets and this past September. I still cry about and will for along time, or until they win the Series)

A fan of the Pistons. (Shout out to my dude Rasheed)

An Emcee who still can freestyle at the drop of a dime and still loves to write rhymes every day.

A host who knows when to get the crowd crazy and when to shut up and let the music do the talking

A voice to those who cannot speak for themselves.

A radio personality who loves talking to people as well as playing great music. (Look out for my syndicated show "The Old Skool Show" with DJ Envius and DJ Bentroc, coming to a radio near you in 08)

A patron of the arts

A brother who loves his siblings and wants them to live closer so he can see them more.

An addict who is addicted to things that is not healthy for him and who tries, day by day, to curb his appetite for things that could eventually kill him, if he succumbs to them.

A glutton who does not know when enough is enough

A babysitter who watches over

A dog walker to two little dogs who I wish were bigger and wish were English Bulldogs

A reverent man who abbeys G-d and tries to live by his commandments and knows that I am created in His image and knows that I cannot hide my sins from the Lord

A business man who tells an artists the truth that I can't sign everyone, and that is focused on making Serchlite the most respected brand in Hip Hop culture

An executive who brings ideas, images, music, fashion, and soon television shows, to the masses

A human being capable of making mistakes and learning from them

A human being who falls into the trap of making the same mistakes over and over and over again, who is thankful that I have a wife who has stood by me and has given me the opportunity to keep his family instead of giving up on me and taking them away

A philanthropic who donates time, money and energy to charities and non profit organizations

A man, flesh and bone

THIS IS WHO I AM.

As I look at this list of who I am I realize that I have many faults, that I have many flaws. But the one thing that stands out to me is that I know who I am. I know what I am. I am constantly aware of my nature. That the things I need to work on, as well as the things that I do well, are decided by me, moment to moment and day to day. That who I am gives me the ability to discover who others are around me. That by being this acutely aware of myself gives me the chance to get to know someone else. As I look to the new year, Which by the way I will be in Seattle hosting a New Years party so if you are in the Northwest part of the country please stop through and spend New Years with your boy, I can honestly say that who I am will make me who I will be. The things on this list that I am proud of I will continue to do and the things on this list I am not so proud of I will do my very best to not repeat. I do not need resolutions. I need to be me, and who I am is good enough for me. Might not be good enough for you but I can't worry about you. I need to do me.

Anyway I would love to see your list so that I can get to know you better. Please share with me who you are. It might help you to get to know your self a little better as well

Love is Love

Serch

Have a safe 08 and I will talk to you again